Author: Anurima Mondal
90s kids are no longer kids; they are getting engaged, married and even having kids. Time has abruptly changed and we suddenly have the pressure of being grown up and responsible. We see our friends taking care of their babies like a pro and imagine if we can ever do this or even want this in life. While we are already confused with what is happening around us, our parents, friends, cousins, relatives, neighbours and even strangers are asking the same question ‘WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?’
It literally feels like only a few years ago when we turned 18 and nervous about becoming an adult. Internet used to be slow as hell and we used to wait for a single picture to get downloaded in almost 10 minutes. From VCR to VCD, and then DVD to watching movies on our phones! Who knew life would be so easy. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hotstar, Zee5..We have so many options, but still, sometimes, we feel immense happiness in watching Malgudi Days, Mowgli and Tom and Jerry on Youtube even today. The options were few but we were content. The Sunday mornings were meant for Rangoli and Ramayana, and the entire family used to watch the television TOGETHER!
Well the reason why I am not married or don’t want to get married has nothing to do with any of these. But the way my idea of love changed probably has… We all grew with the idea of ‘Sachha Pyar’, ‘Pyar sirf ek baar hota hai’, and stuff like that. We felt we would get our ‘one and only true love’ when we grow up… and guess what? When we finally grew up, we suddenly landed in the tinder generation.. Not just ‘one and only true love’ but a million options to choose from.
No strings attached, Casual love, Friends with Benefits, Live in relationships.. people have completely changed the notion of love today! Couples who have been in such relationships describe it to be ‘More Practical and Less Dramatical’ but what bothers me is that when people are so satisfied with these concepts, why are they still looking forward to marriage? Why can’t they just ‘Live in’ forever?
Probably, people never got married for love. Earlier, marriages were meant to fulfil two major purposes- to maximize economic status, and reproduce for the family unit. But today, when men and women both are earning equally and eligible to adopt babies, why are they still fascinated with the idea of marriage? The truth is – while we are constantly told to be strong and independent; we still seek secure attachment to a partner. But we forget that nothing is secured in this world – Just like the other things mentioned above, change is inevitable!
It is ok to fall in love and it is ok to fall out love. It is ok if you want to believe in true love, and it is ok if you don’t. It is ok if you want to get married and it is still fine if you don’t. If marriages are meant to be a ‘secured relationship’, why is the divorce rate so high! Why do partners still cheat on each other? Why are the dowry deaths? Why is the domestic violence? Sad but true – Marriages are expensive, yet they might fail…
In a book Happy Ever After, author and behavioural science professor Paul Dolan mentioned, “if you’re a man, you should probably get married; if you’re a woman, don’t bother.” After examining data from the American Time Use Survey to determine the happiness levels in unmarried, married, divorced and widowed people, he found that unmarried, childless women are the happiest and more likely to live longer than their married peers. (I am sure single ladies out there are smiling). I feel very happy for the people who have found their soul mates and I wish good luck to the people who are waiting. But at the same time, I feel happy for the people who have decided not to get married (at least not because they are turning 30 this year).